Keeping calm
when provoked isn’t always as straight forward as it appears. Being able to
manage your anger is a skill that everyone can learn. And no, anger management
isn’t simply a means by which you internalise and supress your rage, rather
it’s a means of acknowledging it, taking control of it, and safely defusing the
rage. Remember: uncontrolled anger can take a terrible toll on both your health
and your relationships. These 10 tips can help you to get your anger under control
and perhaps boost your health too:
1. Engage
brain before vocal cords
In the heat of any argument it’s easy
to let your mouth run away with the situation, shooting off statements and
accusations that later you regret. Take a few slow deep breaths, pause and
collect your thoughts for a few moments before saying anything. And remember to
allow others involved in the situation to do the same too.
2. Keep calm
and calmly express your anger
As soon as you're thinking clearly,
express your how you feel in an assertive and nonconfrontational way. Slow deep
breaths help. Acknowledge what others are saying, then state your concerns and
needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them: “
I hear what you say, but this is how I feel…”
3. Work it
out
Regular physical activity can help
burn off the excess neurotransmitters and hormones such as adrenaline and
cortisol that are fuelling your anger. When
anger rears its ugly head, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing
other enjoyable physical activities. Regular exercise helps your body to manage
and regulate adrenaline and cortisol more effectively. At the same time, you
produce higher levels of the ‘happy hormones’ called endorphins that will help
give you the feel good factor and dampen down the anger.
4. Step away
During the day, give yourself short breaks,
especially during stressful times. Moments away from the routine help you to
reset your mood and prepare to handle situations more calmly and assertively.
5. Focus on
a solution, not a problem
Learn to shift your focus of
attention away from what made you mad as hell, and begin to think about working
on a resolution instead. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and
might only make it worse.
6. Make 'I'
statements
Playing the blame game only
aggravates situations. Use "I" statements to describe the problematic
situation whilst being respectful to those involved. For example, say,
"I'm upset that you left work without offering to help with the backlog of
orders that have piled up" instead of, "You never help or put
yourself out to help others! "
7. Keep the
Grudge Grinch in its place
Learn to forgive as it’s a powerful
tool. Anger leaves no room for positive feelings that can be pushed out of the
way as you get swallowed up with bitterness and the perceived injustice of a
situation. Learn to forgive and let go. After all, it is unrealistic to expect
everyone to exactly how you want them to be.
8. Use the
Laughing Gnome to release tension
Resist the temptation to descend into
sarcasm. Work on ways of lightening things up with some appropriate humour. In
this way, you can help diffuse tension, melt away resentment and lift your own
mood too.
9. Practice
relaxation skills
Relaxation and anger are totally
incompatible bedfellows. Learn to recognise the signs of rising anger within
you. When it does rear its ugly head, you can vanquish it through the practice
of a variety of exercises such as:
- Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
- Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "calm," “peace.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply into and out of your abdominal region.
- Use imagery; imagine a relaxing experience. It doesn’t matter if it’s based in reality, or simply a figment of your imagination. As you imagine it, so the feelings associated with that place can manifest in your body, turning down the anger.
- Learn some stretching exercises, or go to yoga or Tai Chi classes. These non-strenuous exercises help you to relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
10. Know
when to seek help
If your anger really is out of
control, then go and see an experienced therapist who can help take you by the
hand and teach you how to become a calmer person.
For
more information on how you or your company can effectively manage anger, call
us on 0800 999 8353, info@lcch.co.uk
Or
to talk to someone in your area:
Scotland:
+44 141 333 0878
Southwest
England: +44 7761 773563
Midlands
and Southeast England: +44 203 603 8535
Northern
England: +44 7812 196 798
Southeast
Asia: + 603 7960 6439
Portugal: +351 933 713 223
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